1) There’s a queue. This is problematic. The janitor needs to mop, polish the tile. The Super doesn’t like evidence that prisoners have ever entered the chamber. The Super doesn’t look at the polished tile. The Super doesn’t believe in ghosts or reflections.
2) Taxpayers demand low costs. We can’t hire third party executioners. You know—the pros with black hoods, cannonball biceps. We must take care of this internally. Is this “Work for Release” eligible? Don’t pay too much attention to the coroner’s report: old age, shattered ribcage, Betty Paige—they’re all here for a reason.
a. Expediency
i. Draw and Quarter Candidate: If an Abercrombie model, find the finger-sluice between torso and hips. Why does it still have a flannel shirt draped across its shoulders? Count the ropes: one, two, three, four.
ii. Gas Chamber Candidate: If deranged, scan the gray ceiling with them. Every bright light is the sun. Ceilings are 90% submerged like icebergs. Would you like to participate in a hemoglobin experiment? The air 21% oxygen—we would like to reduce that percentage incrementally.
b. Notable exceptions
i. Self-Execution: Do you dream of the guillotine? I have. Blindfolded, I want a last meal of birthday cake and nothing else. My other hand holds lilies. Then there are dozens of blades, too many to count if the dream weren’t in slo-mo. Breaths are even sliced and emptied of words. This is as far as I’ve gotten.
3) Pending Revisions – The Super wants simulated training. It’s a work-in-progress: there’s the condemned, the audience, the tension you can cut with a knife. All holograms. Too many trainees get cold feet—or, as the case may be, cold hands—when sliding on their black gloves. When prompted, the trainees can press enter to flip the switch. The word enter has been rubbed away. We hope this makes the first time less stressful.
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Jason Fraley works in the financial industry. Thus, he cavorts around Columbus, OH as an argyle sock to maintain anonymity. His work is scattered about online and in print.