Securities Called For Redemption

1. If the wool arrives beneath the silver sky of room service;
2. If it looks sufficiently Olympian or Washingtonian;
3. If the sheep had (i) colorless eyes or (ii) eyes wherein the flakes of color were dormant like snow in an unshaken glass globe; and
4. If you’re old and capable of remembering yourself as somewhat less old,

then you may use the wool for the following purposes:  q-tip factory, cloud exhibition, wig if someone in your immediate family has undergone chemotherapy, or snowball in a practical joke with no less than three (3) components or stages.  In all other instances, the wool should be redeemed at your nearest barn.

Securities Deemed Worthless

Upon redemption, farmers have twenty-four (24) hours to determine whether the wool posses worth.  Standard micron measurements should be used.  Wool of greater than twenty-five (25) microns shall be deemed worthless.

Note For Farmers – By worthless, we mean it cannot be worn comfortably.  However, tightly bundling the wool and wrapping it in a tattered blanket—we’ve heard stories of the blind or widowers stating the bundles are the exact weight of a newborn.  Worthless securities drive the market for cruelty.  It will reach equilibrium when someone asks why their bundle has so much hair.

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Jason Fraley works in the financial industry. Thus, he cavorts around Columbus, OH as an argyle sock to maintain anonymity. His work is scattered about online and in print.